I used to write a lot. I used to be a media content person. Then I took a break, working for someone I thought would grow my work in this area, but ended up draining me, and my drive withered away.
I’d lay all blame on the bosses who raged at me, but ultimately it is my fault for not standing up for myself and clearly defining what I’m looking for – which is doing good work and not dealing with someone else’s anger problems.
I’ve spent a lifetime seeing people who don’t know what to do with anger and they dump it on someone else (usually me) instead of processing it. Life, for a long time, seemed like a long succession of people I’d disappoint, get yelled at, I’d retreat and find the next angry person. I’ve gone through periods of rest, where I’ve seen healthy people who know how to use their anger in healthy ways, and I’ve envied people who live in such an environment.
The first place I can point to that had such a positive environment was a co-working space, run by a lady who gave me a hug every morning, saying “we strongly believe in hugs here.” Later friends had this philosophy too. I even encountered a financial company that encouraged this kind of support.
Not to say I constantly need that kind of smothering – but love and support are just as important in growth as granting opportunities. I had an opportunity to work at my old publishing job, but didn’t have support.
So for me, this blog is to some extent learning how to walk again. I knew how to do it before, a terrible series of events caused me to stop, and now I’m coming back to it. I can feel a childhood joy of discovery coming back.