Yep, another one of these.
Coming out of my publishing gig, and stumbling about in the freelance world, crippling fear has always been with me. Even when the threat isn’t around anymore, and is unlikely to reappear again.
Fear is good – it’s an emotion and can be useful sometimes, but when fear works against you and prevents you from doing what you need to do, want to do, or have to do, then it needs to be confronted.
Even doing this is frightening, largely because it’s so now, but also because of my previous experience in publishing – book publishing is such a warping experience because only so many books can be published, so any good ideas I may have had needed to be scrapped in favor of really good, money-making ideas. Blogs, on the other hand, you can have all the ideas you want and, within reason, they’re acceptable.
Book publishing is limited to the starting capital – how much and how often can you publish with your savings. With blogs, you don’t need much to start. Yet, I’m still afraid.
The publisher is gone – he’s off on the other side of the world, as is everybody else. They can’t come to my door and try anything. I’ve blocked their email and other contact information, they can’t try anything that way. And yet, I’m still afraid. I don’t want to get hurt the way I was again. Maybe that’s what this blog is for – as a way of healing my way back to what I’m supposed to be and forcing my fears and traumas into the ether where it belongs.